


Alexander(s)

by writingsbysam



Category: 3rd Century BCE RPF, Ancient Greek Religion & Lore, Ancient History RPF, The Song of Achilles - Madeline Miller
Genre: Angst and Tragedy, F/M, I'm Bad At Tagging, Love, Love Letters, M/M, Modern Parallels, Poetry, Prose Poem, Sad, Well more of a death letter? Hard to explain, like sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-14 09:53:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29540565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writingsbysam/pseuds/writingsbysam
Summary: A letter from Hephaistion to Alexander. My letter to another Alexander.
Relationships: Achilles/Patroclus, Achilles/Patroclus (Song of Achilles), Alexandros III of Macedon | Alexander the Great/Hephaistion of Macedon
Comments: 4
Kudos: 11





	Alexander(s)

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [When is a monster, not a monster?](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23469451) by [PseftisIncertus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PseftisIncertus/pseuds/PseftisIncertus). 



I see you clearly now, Alexander.

Well, both of you.

Both brown haired and umber eyed, old “friends” of mine. 

You set sail a long time ago, marched your armies on the satrapies.

We conquered the known world together,

our entire world military camps and the sun in your eyes.

I know us more than anything I’ve ever learned. 

I must not forget you, Alexander.

I must not forget starlit nights and laughing around the fire.

Not the fire of an army, but a hearth of sorts. 

A childhood memory surfaces, us running wild through the woods,

laughter louder than a gun,

you look back at me and smile brighter than a lightning flash. 

The sun is in your eyes. 

I know you, Alexander.

I know nothing of your true ambitions or wildest dreams, anymore.

I used to when we were free, conquerors with little cares.

I really ran the empire. At least one of us paid attention to our schooling. 

These days I don’t know much about you,

only what to trade you at lunch,

what classes you're in,

and honestly I’m not so sure about any of those anymore. 

I know our memories.

That will have to suffice.

I know of your hands grabbing mine to stop them shaking. 

I know you smiling back at me in the July morning, 

the rising sun on the water and in your eyes, 

but someone else on your mind. 

I need you, Alexander.

I am just a world of your projection, a love-lorn reflection.

I need you like a city needs the rain.

Like winter needs the sun. 

In these January blues the only sun I see is your eyes, 

bright, 

burning with ambition, 

like the corona during a solar eclipse.

I am standing too close to your eyes. 

I am standing too close to the sun. 

I fear you, Alexander. I love you. I fear your retribution for my love. 

My love needs to be perfect, to make up for the fact that it is mine.

_It is easy to love a monster,_ but we have been to Siwa,

raced each other through the dunes,

you have burned me with those eyes, 

you have seen the Oracle. 

The son of Zeus-Amun.

_It is not so easy to love a god._

Or a man turned god. 

Patroclus and I know this. 

I fear you like Hera fears her husband, 

like a monster fears the divine. 

I fear I gaze into the sun everyday.

  
  


I need you, Alexander. I am going to die far from Babylon, 

far from the home we’ve built, 

far from the gates of Ishtar, 

far from the gardens,

and far from you. 

I am dying out in interstellar space, far from the sun.

Far from anything at all.

The only things that burn are the fever and my lungs,

and I almost wish it were you strangling me. 

I miss you, Alexander.

I miss our laughter and those smiles.

I am Echo staring at Narcissus, never to be seen again.

Only in my head do I see you. I know your face perfectly, all its contours and all its lines. 

I heard you’re taller now. I’ve heard you’re on Olympus now.

_I don’t know how to love a god._

The asphodel glows faintly, and I’ve never missed the sun more. 

_I am not holy enough for Elysium without you._

A demon cannot love an angel, a shade cannot love a god. 

I am dying again, without you.

_One day I will forget you, somehow._

I miss you, Alexander.

I don't think I'll ever see you again. 

**Author's Note:**

> I listened to "The Sun is In Your Eyes" by Jacob Collier obsessively for like 7 hours and this is what became of the next days writing session. Also the formatting is weird but I wasn't sure how to properly preserve the line breaks of my original poem so I did this. 
> 
> Thanks for reading, any kudos and comments are appreciated!
> 
> Sam


End file.
